by Ess-Em

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Nick thumbnail
Nick Not gonna lie, kinda feel like I got suckered into buying this one by the rad tunes and crazy good songwriting. Also, legend can party. Just sayin'.
David Dwyer
David Dwyer thumbnail
David Dwyer this is a wicked cool album. looking forward to the next one.
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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    The debut album by Ess-Em is finally here! After 5 years of writing and gigging around Sydney and Newcastle, the Sydney based pianist/accordionisma finally has finally something to show for it.
    The punk/gypsy/folk/pop, self-titled debut features 7 renowned guest musicians including dub/reggae percussion powerhouse Declan Kelly, and members from The Button Collective and Scarlet's Revenge.
    The album is presented in a lovely gatefold card case with booklet, artwork by Sarah-Marie Marriott and Reese Geronimo.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Ess-Em via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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      $15 AUD or more 




released September 7, 2015

Recorded, mixed and co-produced by Michael Wheatley at Nut N Butter Studio
Mastered by Don Bartley at Benchmark Mastering
All music and lyrics composed by Ess-Em
Artwork by Sarah-Marie Marriott and Reese Geronimo
Photography by Chantel Bann Photography
Layout and Design by Reese Geronimo at Paper Moose

Sarah-Marie Marriott: Vocals, Piano, Accordion, Gang Vocals
Jake Pember: Double Bass, Gang Vocals
Declan Kelly: Percussion
Olga Solar: Violin
Brodie Buttons: Mandolin, Gang Vocals
Simon Wale: Drum Kit
Crystal Moloney: Flute
Dom Fubelli: Tin Whistle



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Ess-em Sydney, Australia

Ess-em is the solo project for local Sydney-based pianist/accordionisma SM Marriott.

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Track Name: Sapling
I’m a sapling tree
With very few leaves,
But my roots are deep in ground,
So please;
Share with me
How your limbs reign free
And what this life is all about.

You’re a fucking hate-filled, unskilled narcissist.
A lover in disguise
Cannot fool my bloodshot eyes -
A logger in disguise.
You’re a fucking hate-filled, unskilled narcissist.
A lover in disguise
Cannot fool my bloodshot eyes -
A logger in the clothes of an arborist.

But why would you hurt
The one thing that provides
And gives you all that they own?
Some thrive on poison -
Like parasites on spiders
And call your discomfort their home.

‘Coz I’m in need of light,
Not of your hate and spite -
To my growth; you’d surely stunt.
As I fall to the ground,
Without sight or sound,
You killer of life you FUCKING CUNT.

I’m not saying that I will put up for long,
It just took me some time to adapt,
For I’m a young sapling,
You are grown and unwilling -
I’m not the one who is trapped.
Track Name: Panic
Is it in my house?
Is it in my head?
Who knows, it’s what I hear;
It’s all the same -
(The same to me)
Sit back, relax, you’ll crack
But don’t worry;
It’s only all you fear,
Don’t make a sound,
Don’t even breathe.

Fast heart,
Hot head,
You hunger for air,
Begging “please don’t leave!”
Even though you’re not there,
I’m all alone
And my brain is going to die.
Panic attack!
Here, take a pill,
If it doesn’t stop now
Then it shortly will,
Don’t think at all,
Just listen…
And feel my mind implode.

Did I lock the door?
Did I hide the key?
A rising feeling dawns
Behind my eyes,
Beneath my ears.
Good luck!
My limbs and jaw conform
To my heart;
Trembling in fear.

Air -
Is the only thing that’s keeping me alive,
Body preventing letting air inside,
All I wanna do is live my life with ease,
put my head down
And let me REST IN PEACE.
Track Name: What I Can't Have
There’s a sun in the sky
And it’s beating on my skin and spine,
It reminds me of you;
It makes me unhappy.
And I feel like the norm
When I feel safe and warm,
You come along and take what I need,
I’m not really breathing.

You’re what I can’t have,
You’re what I don’t want,
But what do I have
When I don’t know what I want?
I need to find myself
Away with no one else
Till I find what I could have
When my heart knows what it wants.

Like the stars shine at night;
I am my own light
Casting a shadow over your mind -
Eternal darkness.
In a few days or more,
I will make my own call,
Difference between ‘what to want’ and ‘to have’?
I think we should end this.
Track Name: Dream
Last night I had a dream
That I had 11ml of vodka
Injected into my hand,
And it hurt like a bitch
But I couldn’t feel a thing,
After a couple of seconds
I was numb.

Anaesthetised to everything -
I could fly through the sky,
I could jump a million stories
And I would never die,
I’d try to hold my breath
For a million days
I will never die,
I will never die.

I escape from prison,
And scale all of the buildings
And evade the guards
(They never did see me),
I was as quiet as quiet as a mouse
In the mouth of a lion,
I couldn’t stop cryin’
When it bit my head off.

And I know I’m dreaming;
Nothing ever hurts when you’re dreaming,
Except when you
Perceive the truth;
Think about it all day
Waste my youth.
What do they represent -
These images in my head?
Why can’t I wake,
For goodness sake?!
I can’t tell what’s real and what is fake.
Tell me what’s real, what is fake.
Track Name: Rebound Ranger
So you think you’re well-travelled,
Not stuck to one path?
Well, have I got news for you my friend -
You’re sailing high seas
Without a fucking mast.
So you take your world samples,
Hold onto them tight,
‘Coz we don’t like no change around here!
We stay because it’s right -

My independence is fierce
But it’s not as pissed as you,
Don’t try to drag me down town
‘Coz I quite admire the view.
What is it good for,
How much of me can I fucking keep?
I’m your run-o’-the-mill ol’ lassie;
No different to the other sheep!
You’re a Rebound Ranger,
A Handsome fucking Stranger,
While my eyes are a weeping,
My integrity’s still keeping, scoring
Objectives all the time,
You are no longer mine,
This ‘lust’ does not run deep -
Over you I’ll lose no sleep!

Dig the hole,
Find the gold,
Don’t be sold,
Just be bold,
Use your fist
To get the gist,
To look from above,

So honey,
Please take my hand
And I’ll help you understand
That I’m not asking for much,
I just want you to touch me, feel me,
Everywhere I go,
I just want you to know
That my brain cannot stop ticking,
‘Coz you’re always fucking drinking!
My emotions bled dry,
And now you wonder why
That I am nowhere to be seen,
I am no longer keen
On my heart ripping from my chest,
I think I know what’s best,
I’m fucking done with this scene.

Throw it away!
Because we ain’t got a lot of time now.
Give it to me!
Coz I’m the only one that knows how.
Let it all out!
Because you’re only getting one more
Chance before I’m walking out the door.
Track Name: Sally & Ben
Sally was a girl who
Couldn’t make her own mind
Of what she wanted to lose -
She had everything
A girl could ever want
(And maybe then some more)
It’s not like
She even knew why
She cried at night -
Save it for the morning light,
It’s just a new day,
The sky ain’t so grey -
Why the sad face?
There’s plenty worse off than you.

Benny was a grown man -
He’d been around the block a few times
For a dime
But it was a dame
That he couldn’t obtain,
Punching in and out of the clock -
Making him go insane.
Just take a pill,
Get back on the treadmill,
Just don’t sit still -
There’s plenty out there to kill,
Just give of yourself;
Love someone else
‘Coz true love is true wealth.

Using each other,
Not really lovers,
Using each other’s beds and bodies -
Making them go insane.
Didn’t quite go to plan
For Sally & Ben –
Their time has come to close,
‘Twas a match made not up high
But down below,
So they took off all their clothes,
And true love is true wealth,
Sally & Ben didn’t find it themselves –
They just saw it sitting up on the shelf.
Track Name: How Low
I don’t want to be a second prize for you
To polish when you please,
I want you to want me
So I’ll get down on my knees,
And scream and shout at the universe
For these cards that I’ve been dealt,
While punishing and abusing my heart
For the feelings that its felt.

How low
Will you go
To be whole?
Sacrifice your inner self to be paired with another soul?
How low
Will you go
To be whole?
Don’t rack your brains,
Don’t make that diamond change
Back into a slab of coal.

So how much can you change a man
So that all he sees is you?
There’s only so much you can change with words,
Maybe you should try change too?
But for all my years through tears and strife
I’ve turned out the better one,
So fuck your metamorphosis
I’m sticking to my guns!

For all the things that I am not
And for all the things that I won’t do -
You’ll never find a better bird
Than I who’s flying far away from you,
‘Coz I have confidence in myself;
I can take another hit,
From one that compliments my other half -
I do not need your shit.
Track Name: CFTC
I heard a sound
Saying “no more!”
To the tune of bitches bitching
About their men and why ‘they’re quitting’
And how they’re ‘done for’ -

Easier said
Than it is done,
Well I’ve walked ten thousand footsteps
In your shoes and then my feet bled,
I’ll tell you a tale of how I came undone:

Well I wish that I had something else to live for,
Motivation just to breathe and take a step forward,
If we knew just how it worked
I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt
Because I’m breathing for myself and nothing more.
Everything will turn out fine
If you focus on your mind,
Nothing else will matter in the long run,
If you find yourself in doubt
Take a breath and look around,
When the wool is pulled you cannot see in front -
Life’s too short to spend it caring for the cunts!

I could have been
Happy and free,
Instead I spent the time a wishing
That it was me you’d picture kissing,
While I lay awake you dream away your dumb dreams
(Of not me)

‘Better to love
Than to have lost’;
Well I wish you kept a walking
‘Coz it was I who did the talking,
The breath I’ve spent is at non-redeemable cost.

She’s in your eyes -
That’s no surprise,
‘Coz we’re better off not knowing
each other’s feelings (are they showing?)
Let’s live our lives in limbo none the wiser.

No more could I take,
God, why did I stay?!
Well you had your chance
You used it,
Took advantage and abused it,
You gutless, spineless someone else’s mistake.
Track Name: Track
The track up ahead makes me quiver and shake,
But nothing quite feels like these steps that I take
To confront this and further this mess that I’ll make -
Think I’ll take a hike down south.

As the rainclouds roll in
And I think about home,
How you are doing
And if you’re alone,
But there’s nothing I can do
When I’m home or away,
Think I might stay here
For another ten days.

I’ll walk a hundred miles
Through wasps and butterflies
Just to clear my mind of you,
But as the white moon sits up high
I stare at the sky
Thinking if you are thinking too.

Fire warms me
And every inch of my bones;
The only comfort out here
While being alone –
I’m empty all inside
Like the skies at night,
But I feel a change comin’
‘Coz baby I’ll come a runnin’
To you and I’ll never leave your side.

I’m in another world,
Far across the open sea,
Sometimes I stop and think
“Is she thinking of me?”
But I’m in another state now
And I’ve changed my tune,
So when I come back home dear,
I hope that I make it clear
That I just wanna be close to you.
Track Name: 10 Songs
Well it’s a long time buried in the ground,
So I thought I’d let you know
That for three long years
I’ve felt some things
that I dared not ever show;
I’m a hypocrite,
I’m a lying bitch
And I reap not what I sow,
I think that 10 songs is long enough
To say my peace and let you go.

I don’t want a eulogy or a funeral just for us,
I don’t feel need to drink 10 coffees
Just to lament our past
I don’t need closure,
Or to know that you’re not with someone else,
Things are still the same
Before they changed,
Except I’m with myself.

It couldn’t be
Made more clear to me
Than when I gave you your first song,
And for too long a while
I was in denial
And thought nothing had gone wrong,
I should’ve known from the first time
That it would not be the last,
When a door is closed
You’re not supposed to know,
You won’t hurt if you don’t ask.

At the end
Now that we are free
And I’ve pushed that shit uphill,
And we don’t need to live with apathy,
Just our conscience and our guilt,
But I wanted what I couldn’t have
And you seemed to fit the bill,
At the end of the day
You were just a waste of time for me to kill.

But why was I flogging this dead horse for so long?
It never left the gate and now it’s time has passed and gone,
Emotionally drained but I’ve got 10 songs to show,
I should’ve shown them to your face
But now you’ll never know.
You’ll never know.
This little sapling needed some time to grow,
Three years was not in vain ‘coz I’ve got 10 songs to show.